LOL (Lot Of Love)

ekhm, i feel so nerd, cuz i just watched miley's newest movie no actually it's several months ago, but i aint movie holic anyway and i .. even always fall asleep when i was watching but yeah, thats "LOL" i love that movie. it has lesson a lil bit even though theres not a bit kissing or sex scenes ._.

well, i love part when Lola and here mum were fighting and end of the story. well, i bet now i know why my parents protect me so.. no, too muchhh. yeah i've know before that promiscuity is a classic matter of every parent's worries, but sometimes i just feel like i've been mature enough to know what things that best for me or even worse. but yeahh i just guess it cuz i never feel like in that case.

this movie, makes me imagine a few things. protective mum wont guarantee what their child wanna be. urghhh i dont wanna seem so old to think bout it but it drives me to think over it! if i were parents it must be an argue between me and my lil girl wanna be, and theres no choice with this global area which gets bigger over and over on its development (whatta hell i'm talking about?--") yeah but i think now i know why parents wont let me to go to somewhere to far even when it just w/ my friend.

yeah if i were mum later and my lil girl ask my permission to go for a trip i'll tell her the reason why i wont let her slowly and make sure that she's figured me out and maybe it's lil bit hurt for her but she'll know why like what i'm feeling right know.

and obviously bout love. again, humm it makes me understand why my parents dont let me to have a boyfriend till right now. and humm i think i've known well bout it and maybe when i've been mum i'll say these words to my daughter "dear my lil girl, i guess you've known how's feeling when you love someone cuz it comes naturally and i dont even can ban you, but i were teenage just like you, and i know what's better for you, and you .. ahh i'm speechless hahahaha lol

why am i so old? i heard so old right? but thats what i'm thinkin bout when i was watching this movie just now. but again, yeah i realized mum, dad why you're so oldschool heheh :p peace! but dear you guys,  i havent made a pride for you at all  and i .. i dont wanna make you feel like failed to be my parents, this i promise you. naww

TISSUE!!!

lol!

Again, it drives me mad

i cant call it Galau, cuz i dont wanna seem galauers or mrs galau as people called me -_- (actually i dont know how can they called me mrs. galau -_- yesterday, when i was younger hummm when i was on 2nd grade shs (exactly) i honestly ever felt that way -_- but i dont wanna seem soooooo sad, painful and whatever! iyuck! i just loved a song then sometimes i put the lyric down my status and i posted it. but i dint just made 1 status per day, sometimes it's more hehe. maybe they saw the meaning of the lyric and they guess that i was sad! -_- helloooo i just love the lyric! man! LOL

well, now? i'm little bit confuse of what i'm thinkin about! COLLEGE~
hummmmmmmmmmmmmmm .. *sigh* i never can to force anyone to has a same thought w/ me. everyone's mind is different, has a different sight, different argument whadafuq it is! same with my thought and others bout my colloge. fact, i dont wanna write it on my blog, i just wanna let my mind flow bout it in every branches on my brain, but i cant! the harder i think bout it by my self the deeper the confusion grows. and maybe if i write it or at least express it even to a lil thing such as blog, i'll get better *sigh*

yesterday, i didnt wanna take a campus on my hometown, i wanna feel different place to breathe, i wanna feel how to live all by my self, yeah the one and only reason why was i wanna feel how to live by my self and out of this town, and when i graduated i thought that that was my time to be.

i remembered when i was on 2nd grade my mum not let me to take my college on big city like bdg, jkt. hemmm. then when i was on 3rd grade my mum said that i could take my college wherever it was if i got the state university, so i made a big effort to get state university beside a regular way (snmptn) and i got it! i got islam university on bdg by interview test there. humm but i want really comfy there, i thought that my knowledge bout islam wasnt enough and i was unconfident if i took my college there , i was afraid all of those doubts would gave me up ._. sooooo, with all of my effort to get there, i let it go and didnt take it ._.

and not only that, i was failed on snmptn and as the last choice i gotta take my colleger here, here in my hometown ._. i'm confuse, i'm lil bit regret of what i've done, how can i let it go with all of my efforts? :( but the consideration i'm not regret at all too ._.

a few of my friends take a college with religion basic as mine, muhammadiah university, islam university etc. that what makes me think that "how can i give up on it when i havent started it at all yet?" then all of bad opinion of my campus is makin me down ._. whats wrong with it? i dont know what they think bout, even my dad's friend clearly said that "why you take your college there? is there no better?" humm :l

 i dont wanna blam my mum, but i know that she wants me to get my college here, HERE. and i just obey her, i dont wanna feel afraid and doubt if i force my self to get my college out of town. the consideration is my dad. my dad is getting old, and i with all of the payment per month will be sufferin my dad. when i was in bandung for a week, my dad was sick when i just arrived at home, and my mum said that my dad always ask bout me everyday, same wuestion even when he has noticed where i went and where i'd back just like dazed. i realized that "how it'd be if i i'm out of town for a long time". and, suprisingly, not took a long time after i was homed my father got better, and he said that it's all because of me. yeah, i'm one and only girl and las child on my family so i'm so spoiled by my father ._.

thats what made me undoubt too to get a colleger here :") BUT!
i know that i couldnt take a state university, i couldnt make a pride for my parents! thats my deepest regret of mine. i know it doesnt matter for my mum, but for my dad? is that okay? i feel like i kinda waste of time and money and everything hahhhhhhhh with all of bad opinion ofmy colleger now it drives me mad and i couldnt even put it on my words how deep means it its for me such aaaaaaaaaa desprate that always be comin out anywhere, anywhen when somebody ask me, tell me, or even look me down. yeah even when i seems like take it like a joke, i'm kidding, i'm laughing, i''m silent, but dont worry i put my your words on my brain-bank guys, even though maybe you'll never realize or forget what you just said to me bout it.

what the hell i am! i'm getting sensitive over it.
i'm done! :)

Random

This entry actually was posted on my second blog on 10 august, but it'd be unfair if i dont post it here too so this is it :$

today my activites was same as yesterday a day before, a week, moreover a months ago -_- especially on Romdon. you know how’s that? wake up late, just lay your body down and watching tv, theres nothing to do while you’re waitin for breakfasting, the you do teraweh prayer, or sometimes you hangin out with your friends to breakfasting along, then you’re homey and stay up till supper time then you sleep over late and wake up late (again) and you do that awkward cycles over and over for over 1 month? -_________- sometimes i thought like “what kind of fasting it is?” :\

hummmm on more or less 10 days left romdon will be over and i dont wanna over it i feel not realy trully take my ramadhan this year well wish i had a chance for it next year. hihi. sometimes i realize that time for terawih is less than breakfasting invitations hihi ;;) you can imagine, for 4 weeks fasting and terawih, 1 week was full, second week was often, third week i was haid, and fourth week? hemmmm wish could be full ;;) muehehehe. and not only em, as long as romdon i’ve been through theres 5times i had an invitation for bf hoammmm i’m feeling so kewl akakaka lol.

i thought this romdon will leave me with a new habit, actually myold habit which come again after long time i left, that’s Insomnia!!! i used to sleep over nite when i was yournger B-) but i dont know when it ends, and i dont even know when it comes to my life again -_- i wish i cud leave you sincerely, insomnia ._. why? because you makes me so damn uncool -_- like a batman or even gosh who live em life on the nite, make em own nite on a day andddddd … yeah thats freakin uncool!!! hem

but i cant wait for several days to Idul Fitri haaaww thats moment that everyone has been waiting for and it’d be diffrerent cuz theres somebody new in my famz thin year, thats my sister in law who has been pregnant and theres my niece/nephew ;;) excited!

well, what kind of entry it is? -____- urgh

Cant even sleep at all

now just an hour left to supper but i cant even sleep. i've been sleepy since 8 pm but now? huh! when i was homey after done teraweh i tried my new computer, actually that aint new, but it just repaired. i felt sleepy and i've planned that i gotta sleep and that was lil bit odd. yeah that was odd cuz almost everyday i've never gone sleep at night. i spent my nite on my laptop or my phone. didnt know what to do.

sometimes i felt like ima bat-wo-man --" yeah like im like a bat. im awake when everybody's sleepin and im sleepin when everybody awake. hum. moreover this is ramadhanwhere i gotta get up from my sleep for havin a supper. thats lil bit awkward sometime. can you imagine when you're sleepin so tight then your mum callin you to get up w/ forcefullness all of a sudden -_ - e.g, when you're dreamin bout cody simpson right next to you and sing for you with an accoustic guitar and his smile on his sweet song then *tadaaaa* your mum yell rush all it over -_____________-


just like you're on half-way on your dream ._. moreover im kind of people who'll be bad mood when somebody wake me up with yellin. hemmmm but thats what makes ramadhan is colorful. but i dont know when it started, but i was not even sleep to wait a supper.i love midnite anyway. when everything's pretty quite and just like i'm the one and only people who stay up tonite ;;) i used to lay my body down and think over all of the things i've been through for the time being, or maybe just imagine the things what i cant be. thats kewl :$ lol. but again, sometimes it's make me insomnia instead -_- maybe it cuz i'm thinkin too much lol

tonite i was still doin my bad habit, i'm stickin on my laptop. but then, my bro awkwardly came to my room and sleep next to me. i hate it! i just would write on my blog page then somebody beside meh? -_- even he didnt look at my laptop and read what i wrote, thats still suck man! somebody close to you when you're staring with your social media is like somebody clamp down on yew!! (even when the're not look at you! ha!) now!!!! he's even fallin a sleep and he's even snoring!!!!!!! ohhhh whatta hell this man! :X i cant even think to write! i'm freakin annoyed with his suck voice!!! blahhhhh! what i've been writing? im sure my words tonite is freakin poor! as poor as me who write right next to snorin man hem u,u

Romdon's Activities

okey! mumpung excitement gue akan hari ini masih tinggi, gue akan mencoba menuangkannya dalam kata kata.

well, sebenernya hari ini gue lewati dengan kegiatan yang gak terlalu gimanaaa, biasa aja. gue pergi buat kegiatan kampus semacam pesantren kilat buat yang pertama kali dengan status calon mahasiswa baru, dan hang out!

yang terakhir adalah kegiatan yang bisa dibilang gak aneh akhir akhir ini. apa lagi? gue belom mulai ngampus dan gak juga kerja. sebenernya yang paling gue suka dari bulan Romdon kaya gini adalah maen alih alih "buka bersama". muehehaheha. kenapa? karena  dengan alesan semacam ini gue dibolehin balik malem :$ pernah gak lo denger quote "tingkat kegaulan ditentukan dari berapa banyak undangan buka bersama" B) dan so far gue merasa, kurang gawl ._. paling itupun acara bukber sd, smp, sma dan givap dan bareng emak gue. pacar? hem.

part 1 : bukber SD
gue merasa asing man dengan temen - temen sd gue yang setelah kurun waktu yang lama gue gak ketemu. asli! fully trully changes abis! berhubung pas sd gue masih cupu abis (sekarang?) akhirnya yang gue sapa dan bener - bener kongko- kongko hanya beberapa dari mereka. entahlah. lo tau? pas sd seperti apa kubu cewe dan cowo? dan sekalinya deket sama cowo pasti selalu ada kata "ciye" ._. dan berhubung pas sd gue sangat girly (ini serius) gue lebih banyak ngumpul sama anak cewe doang B-) tapi semoga sih dengan ketemu lagi kaya acara kemaren everyone get clozahhh. termasuk gue. haha

part  2: SMP dan SMA
skip aja bagian yang ini. karna gue dan temen temen SMP dan SMA gue belom menemukan waktu yang pas buat kongko.

part 3: kongko sama Emak - emak cantik ?(yuck!)
dia! adalah emak - emak yang bisa dibilang cukup sering maen sama gue. setiap bete atau sekedar pengen minta anter atau sharing gue akan datang padanya, sifat dia yang ke-emak-an yang pas dan sifat gue yang unyu kemanjaan bikin gue meng-emak-an dia. maaf atas ejaan yang tidak disempurnakan. tapi tulah emak gue! sampe kemaren gue kongko-kongko cantik dan buka bareng. karena dia akan mengadu nasip di depok barengan ayu ting ting akhirnya gue merelakan dia pergi, semuanya udah iklas mak :") eh :$ dan agak sedikit dramatis a.k.a lebeh pas dia bilang "le kita sering banget ya maen gak jelas gini, tapi yahhh ntar lo kesininya sama temen baru gak sama gue" wekwekwek mello sekali wanita ini ckck -____- tissue!!!!
tapi jujur, gue sedih akan hal ini. gue tidak lagi ber-emak dan gue akan bak anak kehilangan emak nantinya di kampus :"( kenapa? :O gak akan ada lagi emak - emak yang mau nganterin gue pipis sesetia dia :"(

part 4: GIVAP
yang satu ini fresh from the open. baru kelar beberapa jam yang lalu. gipap-gipap-an ini bermula dari SNMPTN di Bandung. sebenernya gue cuma ibarat personil baru di temen maen gue ini, gue cuma ikut ikutan aja ngintil soalnya kita barengan 24jam selama beberapa hari di sana. dan ternyata snmptn kitapun sama sama gak membuahkan hasil, hiks. tapi kita sama-sama di kampus yang sama sekarang. dan tadi adalah acara bukber genggez ini abis sanlat freshen mind setelah beberapa hari ngejugluk di rumah. dan yahhhhhhhhh efeknya adalah badan pegel setelah tadi banget baru balik. had much fun! dan 1 lagi! hang out yang ini juga menyisakan keinginan gue akan stiletto item yang masih terngiang - ngiang dalam benak gue ._.
oiya dan 1 lagi. part 5: talk bout our future like we had a clue dengan wanita galau satu ini! Dwi!
sebenernya sama dia just hang out, berhubung waktu itu kita samaan gak puasa jadi there's no bukber! gue hanya nganterin dia ke bursa kerja dan maen di rumah gue terus ke toko buku dan lumayan seharian bareng wanita galau yang satu ini, gue ngobrolin tentang gimana gue ntar, kerja tuh apa dll sampe gue dapet pencerahan kalo gue juga mau ikutan nyoba gawe. dan beruntungnya adalah satu-satunya kerjaan dengan posisi HRD lulusan SMA yang udah gue lamar tak jua menunjukan tanda-tanda panggilan interview ._. tapi alhamdulillah, ada 1 gawean yang gue tinggal nunggu fixnya, insyallah :I wish me luck!
kan? what's else? -_- just wasting time, wasting money, wasting everything that shouldnt be wasted deh gue rasanya -_- bener - bener gue merasakan get a holiday, missing school life! gotta on school-life, missing holiday!

1st Second

tadinya gue berpikir untuk membedakan blog gue yang pertama dan kedua. tadinya gue ingin membuat pencitraan baru tentang gue dan blog gue dengan menanggalkan segala kealayan gue di blog pertama gue. dan tadinya lagi, gue pengen terlihat “agak” keren dan tidak terlihat labil alay desperado di blog gue yang baru. tapi gue tau bein honest is the kewl-est thing ever. jadi gue tetep apa adanya dan seketika gue mungkin akan terlihat alay “lagi” di blog baru gue. whatevah man! dan dimana gue akan memposkan kealayan-kealayan unyu-unyu gue selanjutnya? sama aja, gue akan post entri-entri gue di kedua blog gue. bagaikan memadu, gue mencoba adil pada keduanya :$ hanya saja, di blog pertama gue ini beberapa entri lama tersimpan B)

1st: THIS ONE!
2nd: CLICK!

Feeling Guilty

beberapa hari yang lalu gue baru memposkan postingan gue tentang abang gue dan hiks, ini serius gue sangat berperasaan bersalah luar biasa sama bang gue ini.

beberapa hari yang lalu setelah gue bantuin bokap bikin tugas, gue pake notebook abang gue buat browsing dan entah kenapa gue males banget pake laptop gue sendiri, dan pas gue lagi browsing tiba tiba colokannya longgar dan alhasil notebook yang gue pake saat itu pun mati, dong. dan gue membiarkannya mati karna gue pikir akan nyala seperti biasa dan hal kecil doang.

besoknya pas bokap mau make lagi gue agak sedikit panik karna notebook sial itu ga nyala dan ga menunjukan respon respon dari apapun tombol yang gue pencet. dan kekhawatiran gue benar, ternyata emang gak sama sekali nyala. damnnnnn .. gue takut sebenarnya buat bilang sama abang gue karna gue tau pasti guelah yang disalahin dengan memang gue salah. dan guepun makin bertambah sangat akan bersalah karna gue tau abang gue pasti akan sangat kecewa, dan benar saja ._. sangat amat terlihat abang gue marah dan gue? takut ._.

akhirnya gue mencoba jelasin ke abang gue gimana kronologinya dan abang gue pun ngebenerin notebooknya, dan tadi sekali saat jarang-jarangnya gue jam 9 udah ngantuk abang gue masuk ke kamar dan dengan muka lesu bilang kalo notebooknya udah gak lagi bisa terselamatkan dan gue minta maaf. dengan terpaksa abang gue membeli notebook baru. the deepest guilty i've ever felt.

yang bikin gue ngerasa bersalah adalah abang gue ini akhir akhir ini bae banget! dan seperti yang ada di entri gue sebelumnya. dan yang bikin gue sangat merasa bersalah adalah kenapa dari kecil semua yang rusak di rumah gue adalah gue penyebabnya?!! ya. gue.

laptop inipun adalah punya abang gue yang pertama sebenarnya, entah gimana ceritanya pas dipegang sama abang gue, laptop ini hanya cedera dengan bergaris 1 di LCDnya, tapi kenapa semakin lama dipake sama gue garisnya bertambah jadi 3 :( setelah itu hape yang juga turunan dari abang gue ini udah beberapa kali masuk counter dan gue bingun kenapa pas mesti di  tangan gue?!!! dan masih banyak lagi :( seperti misalnya pas gue sd, nyokap yang baru beli telpon rumah baru rusak karena kebanting gue. dan semua semuanya kenapa mesti rusak di tangan gue sih!!!! what kind of hand my hand is?!!!!! jrit! tadi gue sempet menitika air mata akan hal ini. gue kebayang banget pas abang gue pertama kali beli notebook pake gajinya sendiri :( dan abang gue yang pertamapun pernah sampe bilang "belum ngerasain sih gimana rasanya beli apa apa pake uang sendiri" demi apapun itu gue gak pernah sengaja ngerusak apapun itu tapi hem theres no words to explain everything has done has broken and theres no turn back to repair all of the things that cant be repaired :( big sorry.