Love, Lost, and Learnt, Find, Love, Afraid to Lose

hem i wanna tell ya sumthin weird today. i dunno how to tell it but i'll trynna do.

past

well, have ya known my past? okey never mind if ya havent. so here my ex-close-friend who has gone gimmie so muchhhh EX-planation bout all of my thought right now. why? cz he's taught me how to Love, Lost, and Learnt. sincerely. even though there's nothin him now on my mind and my heart too. honestly, i've EVER been hurt by him, cz of my mistakes! and now there's sumbody new probly :p but thats the point! MISTAKES! :D

dont mind my ex, but HOW I LOST A THINGS! 
actually im so easy to gettin emotional, as ya know the emotion here aint just gettin mad. but easy to feel blue heheh. bcz of my emotional i lost him. i dunno i felt like another kind of envious when i saw him with his friends and further to me. i didnt mind him, i just thought that "he wont go, he'll stay. here. with me". so when i got jealous to see him i was pretendin like "nothin happens and nothin to lose" and pretendin like i didnt care of whats goin on. but slowly but sure and hurtly He's gone. thats hurt to see sumbody who always sit on ur seat, right next to you get further away and seems like you didnt know each other even when you're in a same room. sumbody who be ur laughter, who give you a strength. became stranger. sumbody who tells you " i'll always love you, you're my best friend and i'll never leave you" actually i dont even count on him when he said that. but kinda hurt to remember that.

day by day i lost all of the things, his self and every things even every lil things bout us. HURT. 

but since then, i always trynna keep my friends's feelings. no matter how are they. sumtimes i get 'kilaf' haha but quickly! i apologize if i knew theres sumthin wrong. thankyou my ex-close-friend!

-somebody new over here-

but now i've found someone knew. who lift me up of the ground actually when he's gone. he's sumthin to me.but i never tell him ;p heheh lemme feel it feel you by my self. cz of it. i really really truly never ever ever want him to go away of me like what my ex did :L when i feel we're lil further, ima afraid (and my feelings does too to my another friends esspecially my close friends) ima afraid to lose him. when im seein him with his another friends im afraid if he'll leave me, he'll forget me, ima afraid to lose something special 'twice'! 

 i love when sumone excited to see me :D (is there any sumone who excited? -_-) but "im afraid if he/she will get bored with me" you know Vierra - Takut? yeahh thats what im feelin. i really wanna say "hey you over there! im afraid you will get bored with me if im with you for every single day :( so if i dont reply ur message or anything else later, it means thats what im thinkin of. so call me twice, text me twice, chat me twice if you really wanna talk to me. (heheh what kinds of confident it is! -_-) :( i just dont wanna be annoyed person fo ya :("

and .... i dont wanna pretend that im all right when theres no right anymore. i just wanna be honest of my feeling but i dont know how. thats impossible if i come to you when ya wit ur friends and say " hey ya!!! dont get any closer with her! im afraid to lose yq! im afraid if you will do the same things like what he does! okay i just dont wanna lose you like a child miss their blanket and lose her candies! :'O see? is that kind of jealousy? whatever!" should i? :( i get 'salting' sumday cz i dunno what i've to do hahah. whatevaaaahhhh ..


thanks to my past ya gimmie valuable lessons. "past should be past" yeay!
 thanks to my present ya lift me up and unintendedly i've forgotten my pains bcz of ya :p
thanks to my bloggie i've felt lil bit relief when theres no one i cud count on.
thanks to read it anyway :* 
LOVE YA MWACH ..

 

ovahhhh it! :D